Updated: 4 days ago
Have you ever tried to meditate, and got sidetracked? You're breathing in and out, with good intentions of quieting your mind, and, Boom! A shopping list starts itself. Oh, and then, a to-do list.
You try to start again, but the interruptions get in the way. They could be kids, pets, the phone, workers making a racket outside .... and you just give up.
Guess what? You're normal.
When we empty our minds, our brains do what they were designed to do - they fill in the gaps. If you live life like it's a to-do list, or if your conversations sound like shopping lists, that's what your brain will fill the spaces with!
It's why eye witness accounts are often filled with inaccuracies. Our brains fill in the spaces with the most likely scenario based on our prior experience.
This is also why we have self-confirming biases. We go looking for evidence of what we already believe, and ignore (or downgrade the importance of) other explanations and viewpoints.
If your recent romantic experiences have been disappointing, you may start to believe that your future ones will be too. That closes you off to more positive possibilities. And let's face it, that's a shame!
Would you like a way forward? Would you like those possibilities to come your way, and for you to notice? It might be romance, or career, or some other aspect of life (did I hear another over-50 shout "health"?).
If you want a good start, then please read on.
Often, throughout our lives, we need to change our mindset. But let's not forget the words we use and the actions we take (or avoid). That's right - we need to change the words we use and the actions we take, to change our mindset (and vice versa).
For example, I know quite a few people who project their anger with someone else onto me, when they're describing a frustrating situation with that 3rd party, who's not there listening.
Suddenly, I'm thrust (without my consent) into the "empty chair technique".
What's that? The "empty chair technique" is a tool that some psychotherapists might use to help a client or patient to get something off their chest so they can move on (instead of being trapped in their mental and emotional world of pain). The person receiving the therapy might be angry at someone, and the person they're angry at might not be available to take the heat - they might be dead, or hard to find. Or, the client/patient might be too afraid to seek out the alleged cause of their woes.
In the empty chair technique, the client or patient faces an empty chair, and talks as though that person who's caused their heartache is sitting in that chair. It's a pretty powerful technique (if you give in to it).
Instead of referring to the person who makes them feel powerless in the 3rd person (him, her, them; he, she, they), the word "you" is used.
So, as I said earlier, a friend or other person, might start using the word "you" when they're speaking to me, and it looks and feels like they are angry with me (even though I'm not the one who caused their intense feelings). They attack me, as a proxy for the person who makes them angry. It feels like I'm being personally attacked, and what's worse, it usually happens in public. That means I not only feel attacked, but I'm embarrassed too!
People, the words we use have power!
In their tirade of rushing angry words, they say things like "you should have known that you weren't going to show up", "you never think of me", "you are always so thoughtless and disrespectful to me", "what you did to me really hurt". Those words, and the feelings that go with them, make the person feel even more angry and upset, and they get louder and louder. Their eyes point directly at mine, and it's as though they see the person who made them feel betrayed, forgotten, belittled, afraid. So, maybe they actually need to employ the empty chair technique with an actual empty chair (not me)!
Maybe, as you read this, it resonates with you. Maybe, like me, you get tired of repeating the same request over and over, for those people to think before they speak. Maybe, you realise that you're someone who treats your friends, family and colleagues like this.
It's no way to treat the people we love, is it?
In previous articles, I've mentioned the Karpman Drama Triangle (see below, with typed explanations), in which we all get to be the victim, rescuer and persecutor. I've also mentioned that the goal is to practise finding yourself in the centre, where you can't be touched by those negative energies (see simplified diagram). And I've also mentioned the power of perspective (tarot card designed by Amy Zerner and Monte Faber, The Enchanted Tarot, used with kind permission).
I'm bringing all three concepts together here, to illustrate how to take a first step forward. That step is really two-fold: If you constantly feel like you are being the person in the empty chair technique (the Rescuer), you need a way of protecting yourself from the negative energies being spat at you (also sometimes known as psychic attack). Otherwise, you become the Victim. If you feel like a Victim, you also need to have a way of protecting yourself from those feelings of betrayal, anger, disrespect, and hurt (because, if you don't, you can become the Persecutor).
It would be easy for me to say, "Meditate on that", but if you have always thought that you can't meditate, then it would be stupid of me to say it.
So, what are we going to do?
Recently, I conducted a tarot reading. I started with a brief version of one of my favourite quickie meditations (it's a Mini-Reiki Meditation, to get us both focussed on the client and the next 6 months). I've often thought of it as my cocoon meditation, because it feels like I'm wrapping myself in a cocoon of protective light. But, at the end, the feeling of angel wings wrapping around me came, and I think I will now call it "Angel Wings". I've incorporated so much more into the Mini-Reiki Meditation I do at the start of tarot readings now, and the imagery we use, is really fantastic!
After the reading, I asked my client if they meditate, and was told that they always believed they couldn't. It's a very common response!
I reminded my client of what we did at the start, and said, "You were meditating then", and my client was very surprised! Again, a very normal response.
What did we do at the start? Well, here's a freebie that you can use each day.
We started, sitting across from each other. I asked my client to place their hands on the table, palms facing upward. I explained everything that was going to happen beforehand, so I could ascertain that it would be okay. Tarot readings have to be done in "safe space" mode ...
I placed my hands above my client's, palms facing down but not touching. This is a special Reiki position that works on a deeply spiritual level. If you want, go ahead and place your hands before you, palms up, and imagine my palms touching the space above yours.
Then, I asked my client to take a deep breath, and as they exhaled, to gently close their eyes. Our hands remained in position.
I'm going to change the words I use now, because, really, I'm talking directly to you. You.
Keep breathing deeply. Imagine the sound of my voice, speaking softly to you. It is just you and me.
Now, imagine a soft white light surrounding you. It feels like? Maybe it feels like soft puffy white clouds, feathers, a breeze. This soft white light envelopes you, and you are safe. There is no need to worry. This is your safe space. Breathe in deeply, hold, breathe out completely. Feel safe.
The next time you exhale, imagine the space between the last breath and the next inhalation. Keep breathing.
Now, around the white light, imagine a lovely vibrant green light. You see it sparkling like shiny emeralds. 💚 You can feel healing in the green light. You send it to where there is pain, and you bring healing. You heal yourself and you heal others. Breathe in the light. Breathe out your own light. You are a healer.
Now, surrounding the green light, that surrounds the white light that surrounds you, there is a gorgeous bright deep purple light. 💜 This light protects you from psychic attack. That means that the negative energies of life just bounce off you, like you're wearing a purple puffer jacket and hat made of giant bubble-wrap!
Jealousy, fear of missing out, anxiety, anger, frustration ... nothing can get to you, because your purple light surrounds and protects you with love. Breathe in confidence and courage.
Feel it's bounciness!
You're still breathing naturally but deeply. There's nothing to it. You know how to breathe, because you've been doing it all your life. That's meditating! Keep going ...
Now, around the purple light that surrounds the green light that surrounds the white light that surrounds you, there's a peaceful blue light. 💙 As you breathe in, you feel the sky-blue light flow in through your throat and mind and heart. It weaves in and out and knits them together gently, so that you focus on clear and compassionate communication. Your focus on understanding others clearly, expressing yourself compassionately, and sharing good intentions becomes your motivating force.
Yes, you can speak your truth, with compassion!
And finally, surrounding the blue light that surrounds the purple light that surrounds the green light that surrounds the white light that surrounds you, there's a soft pink light. 💕 This light is like the colour of fairy floss, like rose quartz. It's soft like clouds, but bouncy like a giant-sized jumping castle. You see and feel yourself bouncing around in the jumping castle of your mind, and you're having fun! And as you become aware of it, a smile begins to light up your face. You can feel a chuckle in your belly, and it wants to come out and play! You can't help but to giggle. Your cheeks become rosy, and your face looks so much younger!
The soft pink light makes you feel giddy and giggly, and you are in the mood for fun!
The soft pink light makes you think about romance and friendship, and you feel like loving and being loved, and you're really happy about love being in your life. You deserve to be loved! You're ready to give love, and receive love and to share love! Yeah! You're ready to enjoy love!
And as you feel the happiness and possibility and hope, you also feel whole and healthy and protected. You feel Heaven's Wings embrace you tenderly, and you're ready!
Why not start your day, enjoying a little sunshine and trying out this meditation? ✨️ The more you practise, the easier it will be.
Just start by remembering the 5 colours on 5 fingernails - white, green, purple, blue, and pink. Some of my clients like me to paint the nails on one hand in those colours as a reminder throughout their day and week. Imagine the colours, and feel them around and inside you.
If you like, why not download a meditation so you can close your eyes and just listen to my voice guiding you?