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The Minimalist Guide to Self-Transformation

Updated: Nov 14, 2022

I could start with the end in mind, but would that be too prosaic? Well, no, it wouldn't! The end would be the perfect place to start!

What would make you happy?

While I'm not one for vision boards, I realise their value, for those of you who have trouble imagining yourself in your future - as your future self (but still you)!

Can you see yourself in the future, happy?

Can you take your mind back to a moment in your past? That could be a memory, but it's also your version of what happened. Your imagination fills in a lot of blanks. How does it feel? How would you describe it? What words would you use?

Let's take it in another direction (forwards, or thereabouts). If you allow your imagination to float out into one of an endless list of possible futures, you could find your perfect future.

What would that perfect future look like?

To begin Self-Transformation, you might want to imagine what kind of life you'd like.

You see, if you just go with the flow the entire time, you could spend years in which nothing changes. That's fine if you're happy .... but what if you're not? What if you're happy with everything, except one aspect?

How do you live, knowing that something makes you unhappy?

Pardon me for speaking plainly, but don't you want to be happy?

I get it, that life is full of ups and downs. If life was perfect, who would appreciate what they have? But, if you could make an aspect of your life better, why wouldn't you give it a go?

It could be your shadow values getting in your way. Shadow values are the feelings we wish for, but don't get, and feel ashamed owning up to. Like feeling important, or superior, or adored. Shadow values often get in the way .... but don't have to.

Sometimes, we get into a habit of playing the victim, and that might get a lot of attention. But the same can be said of those who play the rescuer, and the persecutor. The attention you get from any of those roles, is a great example of secondary gain.

Secondary gain makes it hard to give up a habit ...

Those three roles I just mentioned, form the corners of what's known as the Karpman Drama Triangle.

Karpman's Drama Triangle
Do you allow yourself to be cornered?

The fact is, we all play all these roles - inside our own heads. But doing that makes us feel cornered! The trick, is to be centred, calm and protected, in the eye of the hurricane.

So, how do you do that? What are your strategies for getting yourself out of drama? Maybe you're the one creating all the drama ... remember ... whether you're the rescuer, victim or persecutor, you are creating your own reality. Why? Because you allow yourself to continue in that role.

It's your choice. Are you going to commit to a happier, healthier, wealthier, and more fulfilled life?

Would you like a minimalist guide to Self-Transformation? It's easy.

  1. Start with the end in mind.

  2. Follow up with true commitment.

  3. Put in some research.

  4. Make a plan of what you need to do.

  5. Break down your plan into tiny manageable actions.

  6. Pair those actions with habits you already do without thinking.

  7. Pair your actions with other things you enjoy, as well.

  8. Do the actions, and enjoy them.

  9. Be accountable to your coach.

  10. Keep trying.

Now, all this might sound like too much. That's Karpman's Drama Triangle getting in your way, along with some shadow values and secondary gains, probably. Contact me today or book a free Strategy Session, and you'll discover that you're up to the task!


Now, if you are still struggling, maybe you need some other tools - such as books, meditations, meditation school, a tarot and oracle card reading, or to consider what kinds of transitions you need to make in your life (Ahem. I am Certified Results Coach - don't forget to book a free strategy session over the phone, anywhere in the world).


Feel free to like, comment, and share ...

Please remember, if you like what I have to say, please feel free to purchase books and meditations, and to leave a comment! Two happy reviews on Amazon and other online retailers earn subscribers a 50% discount on their next book (if both are purchased from this website).


Ellen Hazelton
Ellen Hazelton
Nov 27, 2021

I think I corner myself sometimes & like to wallow in the total conviction its someone else's fault I'm in that position. Takes a concentrated effort to head for the middle but its so much more comfortable!

Mary-Claire Hanlon
Mary-Claire Hanlon
Mar 11, 2022
Replying to

It's an easy groove to fall into! And we all do it .. I think there is something inherently human about both self-blame and blaming others. It's a delicate balance between the two.

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