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Resilience or Resiliency?

Updated: Feb 7, 2022

One of the things I have come across, when marking Psychology assignments, is the use of the words "resilience" and "resiliency", often interchangeably. It's funny, but I had never heard of that second word until well after I finished my studies.


What's the difference?


Does spelling change a word? Well, the way I interpret "resiliency", is that it's like elasticity. It's that rubberiness that allows something (a substance or surface) the ability to bounce back. Supple skin has the capacity to bounce back, when you press on it (unless it's dehydrated). Stretchy fabric has resiliency, because you can stretch it out of shape and it will return to it's original shape over a number of stretches. Thera-bands have resiliency. All these things are made resilient.


I don't think of resiliency in terms of a human - psychological - quality.

Yet, when I type into my search engine "define resiliency", the noun "resilience" comes up. No wonder there is confusion!


I think of "resilience" as a completely human quality. It's not just rubberiness, or bounce-back-ability. It's more than that. A human becomes resilient. We're not born that way. We could be born into an environment that encourages resilience, but we're actually born quite fragile and vulnerable. That's why we love and protect our babies, infants, children and teens so fervently. Or, rather, why we should love and protect them ....


If our needs are met, then we feel safe and secure enough to take a few small knockbacks - a bit of stress Those little knockbacks make us stronger, and help us when the big challenges come. And believe me, big challenges do come (sooner or later), and you don't know how you'll deal with them.


You might have a guttural, emotional reaction. The more emotionally sensitive you are, the more likely your way of dealing with setbacks will be emotional (and noticeable, from others' perspectives).


You might learn to take a minute, breathe in deeply, and analyse the situation. When you do this, you train yourself to not lose control so much. Your way of dealing with the setback or challenge will be more responsive than reactive.


One way of practising responsive - rather than reactive - ways of dealing with challenges, is to consider all your needs. Are your needs being met? They're physiological and safety needs, but also, they're needs for belonging and love.


When you remember what you have, you realise that you have resources. Let that become "resourcefulness", so that you start to identify with/as someone who doesn't see problems, but, instead you see solutions. You see partnerships with family, friends, colleagues, neighbours, and even strangers (like that person who goes for a walk past your home every day). You're not alone.


That resourcefulness allows you to be resilient.

Children need to have those needs met, but also, they need to be shown (and encouraged) how to be resourceful.


Recently, I have been talking with a number of people (to whom I am dearly close), who have had their worlds rocked by deep psychological challenges.


COVID really hasn't helped them either. It has made already-isolated people feel even more so. The reason that they come to mind, right now, is because they exemplify that resourcefulness and resilience. I'll try to show you how ...


As much as the foundations of their lives have shaken under them, these dear ones have reached out. They have bravely called and texted their family and friends. They have courageously talked about what is happening, and how they feel about it. They let their loved ones know what's going on, giving us all a chance to say that we're thinking of them, we're praying for them, we hope that life will settle into a much happier time ... That, then, gives them validation that they're loved and supported. Love and support give them the courage to seek professional help when they need it.


They get up each morning, and put one foot in front of the other, until they need a rest. They nap when required, and start again. They continue to eat healthfully, and engage in some physical activity. All these healthful behaviours (and routines) help them have a sense of normality and life-rhythm.


They know that, eventually, things will improve. Maybe not how they want, but they'll ride this storm bravely, with their head held high and their eyes peeled for a safe harbour in the dark of their night.


That's resilience: knowing that "you've got this" ...

There are other needs. identified most recognisably by Maslow, that are more high-level. When the physiological and safety needs are met, and we feel that lovely sense of belonging, we allow ourselves to think about respect and other qualities of esteem ... and we can allow ourselves the luxury of self-actualisation.


Imagine if we met our needs from the opposite direction. Start with self-actualisation. Who am I? Or rather, as Marianne Williamson so eloquently penned it:

Imagine that you are not only adequate, you are brilliant.

Imagine that you have everything you need, including the soul-mates of life.

In that wonderful parallel universe, where you are everything you need, who are you?


You are light.

You are co-creator.

You are limitless, and life-giving.

You are bountiful, beautiful, and boundless.


There may be no parallel universe, but this universe is full of blessing and love. You are here. No matter what is going on in the world around you, you can connect your soul through the centre of the earth to mine, and to every other soul, right now. No matter where you are in the world at this time, you can connect your soul to mine and all the other souls, by sending your light up into the stratosphere, and enmeshing with us now.


Imagine, light cords shooting down into the centre of the earth from all over the earth - the earth fills with light!


Imagine, gossamer wires of golden light reach up into the sky, and intertwine to form a mesh of golden light around the earth. We are protected from all negativity, while letting the light in. The earth is surrounded by light.


You do this, every time you share the intention with me, and with all the others who are doing the same thing.


You are light.

You are co-creator.

You are limitless and life-giving.

You are bountiful, beautiful, and boundless.



 

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Just ask yourself, "Do I want every aspect of my life to be a 10/10?" Well, it's never too late (unless my diary is full).


All you need to do, to book in for your first coaching session, is choose! You probably know at least 3-4 people, who have come to mind while you've read this post. Why not buy them a gift certificate for their birthday? It doesn't matter where they are, because coaching is actually best when delivered over the phone. And there's the absolutely fantastic 8-Week Breakthrough Results Program, if you are really committed to living your most authentic life.


Now, maybe you need some other tools - such as books, meditations, meditation school, a tarot and oracle card reading, or to consider what kinds of transitions you need to make in your life (Ahem. I am Certified Results Coach, and you can book a free strategy session over the phone, anywhere in the world).


Feel free to like, comment, and share ...


Please remember, if you like what I have to say, please feel free to purchase books and meditations, and to leave a comment! Two happy reviews on Amazon and other online retailers earn subscribers a 50% discount on their next book (if both are purchased from this website).



















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